Right Now, I'm Not One Of The 65 Billion
by be-my-detonator
Summary: He waited too long and missed his chance, again. Suck at summaries.   WARNING: Major Character Death


Authors note: This is listed as Cal/Gillian but it's kind of more Gillian/Emily. It started out as Callian though so I'll stick with that. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own it. SURPRISE!

Warning: Major character death

_****_

Gillian watched the freshly turned over soil, as if waiting for him to spring from the dirt and yell 'April fools,' She was deluding herself but she couldn't face the truth. How could he leave her, how could he leave Emily, or Ria, or Loker or hell, even Zoe. She tucked her legs underneath her, kneeling in the mud and leaning on the new, gleaming headstone.

She took a deep shuddering breath and began to speak;

"Cal, how could you go? You've left me, you promised, you swore to me you'd never leave me. You lied to me Cal. I knew you were one of the 6.5 billion but not that, that couldn't be a lie. I have to keep the company running, keep fighting for the truth. I've thought about turning it over to Eli and Ria, I think they're ready. But I'm not ready to give up our baby. It's ours! Just before you…. You…"

Sobs cut her off, she drew another breath and started again;

"Before you left, you talked about changing the name to The Lightman and Foster Group you decided it would just be easier to get married though. Emily suggested I do it, but I can't. It's all I have left of you."

"I hate you so much right now, I loved you and you knew it, you fucking knew I loved you. You saw it almost every day. Even when I tried to hate you it was still there, I fucking loved you. You loved me. I saw it too. Why the fuck didn't you say anything. I needed you too do it first. Why didn't you Cal! Why the fuck not!" She grinned to herself, Cal had always loved it when she swore.

"Gill?" Gillian glanced up and saw Emily looking at her, sadly. Emily had handled it so well, but soon she was going to break, much like Gill, they had both come here every day since the funeral, but never spoken, today was the worst. Gill was letting go, and she was a mess. Her dress was ruined, below the waist it was covered in mud, above it was drenched from the rain she didn't even realise has started to fall.

"It's him you know, the rain, he's crying for you. He can hear you and he's sorry," Emily added a lone tear for the pain of her family rolling down her cheek.

"Oh Em, come here," she said, reaching out her arms to the girl,

"Gill, he's gone, he left us," she said, falling into her friends arms,

"I know Em, I know," tears leaking into her voice, the two women sat in the mud and the rain, crying into each other, sobbing about the man they lost. One wanting her father and best friend, the other wanting her partner and for all intents and purposes her husband, all they were lacking was the rings and touching. But it didn't matter, to her him kissing her cheek was just as much, if not more intimate then if they had sex.

They both drew shuddering breaths and on the shaking release they both whispered I love you, it wasn't clear who it was to, Cal or the other of the pair.

"He loved us Gill," Emily said, pulling herself together and getting to her feet, "He loved you, he told me, I'll show you someday this picture he showed me, of his brain, God that sounds weird, he's up there right now laughing at me,"

"I know Em, I bet he's up, where ever he is laughing and sighing to himself, and just saying "Those bloody women" In that gorgeous British accent," Gillian said, standing up, not even attempting to brush the dirt from her dress, she embraced the younger girl.

"I'm glad he met you Gill, you made him so happy. And you've always been there for me," Emily said to her shoulder, "You're just like my Mom, Mom said to me a while ago, when we thought Dad was going to get his act together and ask you to marry him, she said it would be okay if I called you Mum as well… I love you Gill, I really do,"

Gill was sobbing again, "I love you too Em, you are my daughter, you are always welcome with me, always."

Emily grinned up at her, before it fell a little, into a sad little smirk, "He was going to do it too, the night before the…. The accident, he called me and told me he was going to ask you, that you didn't need to date, you already knew each other and loved each other enough. He said you were the most beautiful woman alive and he had been a fool long enough, he was so scared but he was so determined. The police gave me this," she said pausing and rummaging in her pocket.

She reached out her hand and in the palm of her hand, was a small black velvet box, shaking Gillian took it and opened it, and inside was a thin ring, she presumed it was white gold just by looking at it, with three stones set in it, again, just from looking she thought maybe diamonds. In the lid there was a small piece of paper, folded over. She pulled it out and unfolded it,

'Gillian Foster,

Love, I can't say this, I'll get scared.

I love you, a lot. Right now, I'm not one of the six and a half billion,

I want to marry you, right now.

I'll love you forever Gill.'

Gillian let out a sad little shriek and began to sob violently, she fell to the ground again, in hysterics. They nearly had the perfect life, it was so close to being perfect, the domestic life she'd always wanted with the man she'd always wanted. "Yes, Cal, Yes. I love you. Yes." She slipped the ring onto her trembling finger.

"Mum," Emily murmured. Gillian looked up, surprised. "I…. you're…. close enough. I've always wanted to, is it okay if I call you Mom?"

Gillian broke down again, fresh hysterics bursting from her chest. Unable to speak she nodded, Emily crouched beside her, and hugged her.

"I asked Mom and she worked it out, she was always jealous of you, having Dad, but she always liked you, her and Dad talked and they decided they'd split custody, they filed not long ago, you're listed as my guardian now, he was going to surprise you the same time he popped the question. I know it might be weird now, if you don't want to it's okay but I'd love it, I'm not saying you have to, like, let me live with you, it's more a symbolic thing."

Gillian shivered, and clambered to her feet, hugging her daughter to her, "You are amazing, and I am so lucky. We're going to go home and decorate the spare room however you want and you can stay with me whenever you want. God, I am so lucky. I wish your Dad was here with us,"

"He is Mom, always, and he is proud of us."

_****_

Well that really took on a life of its own. I had NO idea Emily was going to get adopted. Have I mentioned my name is Emily, that makes me happy. But anyway, if you'll accept my apology for the massive nuclear cliché explosion and review that would be awesome.

*wipes tear and smiles*


End file.
